[Ken Kifer's Bike Pages]
HUMOR: Witty Replies
For some reason, many people find my riding a bike to be a source of humor. Rather than getting offended, it's better to respond with humor.

Bike Pages Home Page

The Cyclist Lifestyle

Bike Commuting and Transportation

Bicycle Camping and Touring

Cycling Health and Fitness

Bicycling Advocacy

Bicycle Traffic Safety

Basic Skills for Cyclists

Cycling Humor and Tales

Bicycling Surveys and Statistics

Links to Other Cycling Sites

Comments on This Page

Witty Replies

I find as I pedal my way through life, that many people see my riding a bike as an opportunity for humor, I'm not sure why. If I snub people for making simple wise cracks, I have given them the impression that cyclists are humorless individuals. They are not going to be as friendly with the next cyclist. Even careful explanations are no good. It's much better to respond to one witty remark with another one. All they really want is a little entertainment anyway.

There are certain places where you encounter non-cyclists where they are more likely than others to say something. When I stop at a gas station, someone is sure to ask me how much gas I want, sometimes the gas station attendant. I have been known to give him my pint gas bottle and say, "Fill 'er up!" to his surprise. If someone says, "I didn't know bikes use gasoline," I reply, "Well, the last pint lasted me 500 miles." If they ask me what kind of mileage I get, I say that I get seven miles to a banana. Sometimes people tell me I need a motor for "that thing." My reply here is not exactly witty, I say, "I have a damn fine motor on this thing; I have come X miles already today."

The grocery store/restaurant is another place where humor comes in handy.  When I am wolfing down a whole loaf of bread, a large hoagie, or something like that, someone's sure to say, "Are you going to eat all that?" And I reply, "Well, I have to have something in my stomach between breakfast and lunch." If someone asks me, "Why do you wear such funny clothes," I say, "It's a good way to start a conversation."

Of course, it's necessary to make a distinction between a witty remark and a true question. If the person really wants to know about my clothes, I explain.

Sometimes the remark is not witty, but the reply is a jolt to the asker. At a motel, someone might ask me, "Where are you going to put your bike tonight? It's not safe outside." And I tell him/her I'm going to put it in my room, something that he/she had never thought of. Or if someone asks me, "Where do you stay for the night; just pull off the road somewhere? (the implication is that I am sleeping in a ditch), I might describe my last camping site in all its glory. Didn't pay a cent either.

Another time for witty comments is when the person is giving road directions. Thirty odd years ago when returning from Canada, I got the remark, "It's downhill all the way" from every person I met, I think. Usually, I would just say something like, "Funny my knees don't feel it." Or, "Well, I guess I won't have to pedal any more." Another common statement for people to make is that "it's five minutes away." People don't like to be corrected, so now I say, "Well, I better pedal pretty fast then," and they laugh at themselves. Sometimes I encounter construction along the road; usually the flagmen warn me against speeding, and I overseriously agree to watch myself, but they are always very helpful too.

Keeping a handy wit is helpful even when people are dead serious. When people say to me, in all seriousness and not as a threat, "Don't you think you're blocking traffic when you're riding on your bike," I respond, "Would you rather pass me traveling on my bike at 15 mph or in my van traveling at five miles an hour below the speed limit, as I always do?" I win that argument right away. When I first started riding a bike, my brother tried to convince me to give it up. He said, "You think people admire you for your long bike trips and adventures, but really people are laughing at you; they think you're being childish." I looked at him in all seriousness and said, "Then, you don't think I should get a Va-room engine for my bike?" (The Va-room engine was a small imitation motorcycle engine that used a plastic flap against the spokes for sound.) "Oh, no! cried my brother, "Don't do that; you can keep riding your bike, but don't get a Va-room engine!"

A little wit goes a long way. I think people's behavior varies around the country, but the Southern and country people that I talk to all like this kind of banter. My relaxed, friendly nature makes me feel at home wherever I go. Sometimes people say, "Don't you feel lonely," and I respond, "When I meet and talk with people like you every day, how could I ever be lonely?" People don't get less friendly as I get farther from home; they get more friendly.

Related Elsewhere

Comments | SECTIONS: | The New World | Writing | Thoreau | Home | Bike Pages |
DIRECTORIES: | Lifestyle | Commuting | Touring | Health | Advocacy | Traffic | Skills | Humor |Survey | Links |
HUMOR: | Air | Devices | Addit | Flat tire | Camping | Great | Flame | Witty | Newsgroup | Camper | Safety | Classic | Tarzan Land | Robbery |
TALES: | Planet | Fairy | Joe Bike | Detective | Murder | Green | Paradigm | Interstate | Bike Trip |
http://www.kenkifer.com/bikepages/humor/witty.htm | Copyright © 2000 Ken Kifer